


all the lonely nights in your life

by Ottermelon



Series: "Tempo, Beat, Break" Universe Fics [6]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottermelon/pseuds/Ottermelon
Summary: When You feels like she isn't good enough, Eli is there.
Relationships: Ayase Eli/Watanabe You, Sakurauchi Riko/Takami Chika (mentioned)
Series: "Tempo, Beat, Break" Universe Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1365610
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	all the lonely nights in your life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlexIsNotHere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexIsNotHere/gifts).



> this is a christmas gift for [AlexIsOkay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexIsOkay/) and also directly inspired by her amazing story [Tempo, Beat, Break.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050167/chapters/37470785) since this takes place between ch. 7 and 8 of tempo beat break you will be 200% better off reading that first because a) it's extremely good and b) this will make a bit more sense.
> 
> i tried my best to live up to the standards set by the literal inventor of EliYou herself. hope you all enjoy it ^^

You didn’t consider herself to be the smartest person. Empathetic, maybe. Thoughtful, sure - though she’d liken it to “prone to overthinking” more than “thoughtful.” 

So when she woke with a start in the dead of night, the foremost thought in her mind was:

_ Did I screw everything up again? _

The bedsheets felt like a prison. You struggled against them for all of a moment before freeing herself, and she sat up in a flash. Her eyes felt like they were glued open, and her rude awakening culminated in the cold sweat that clung to her clammy skin.

“You?”

If You weren’t on-edge already, the voice in her ear nearly sent her tumbling out of bed. She whipped around to see another body rising from the bedsheets, her assailant’s face obscured by a mess of blonde hair.

You’s heart nearly leapt into her throat, until she took in the familiar apartment surroundings. It took repeated chants of  _ you’ve been here before, you’ve been here before  _ in her mind before she found her ragged voice. “H-hi, Eli-chan.”

“...Hi,” Eli echoed, plain and confused and more than a little concerned.

“I just…” You wrung her hands. As she did, her erratic trembling increased exponentially, and hugging herself did nothing to stop it.

“I need to step outside for a bit.”

“It’s freezing out -” Eli started to protest, but You cut her off simply by swinging herself out of bed. She scooped up her discarded sweats on the way out. As she slipped into them, stumbling all the while towards the sliding door that led to the balcony, she felt Eli’s eyes on her.

You was met with a frigid blast of air once she opened the door. Not giving Eli the satisfaction of a glance backward, she stepped out and slid the door shut behind her. She quickly found that she welcomed the external chill - it was almost invigorating compared to the cold sweats that plagued her.

Tokyo always seemed smaller on the inside, from the vantage point of Eli’s apartment. Even with tens upon tens of apartment stories towering above them, You always felt like she had to walk just a bit too far to see that fluorescent cityscape that she’d always dreamed about. Right now, she was only met with the austere facade of the high rise office buildings opposite Eli’s apartment - and a blanketing silence that would’ve been more fitting for a small rural town.

As You idly watched the laundry lines above her sway back and forth, her thoughts slowed to a crawl. She stood up straighter and took a few steps towards the railing.

She only had a few seconds of relative peace before she heard the door behind her sliding open. There was no need to turn around - Eli was behind her and wrapping her in a gentle embrace in a matter of moments. 

“Come back to bed,” Eli murmured into her shoulder.

You said nothing. Eli’s grip on her loosened, and You braced herself.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Eli’s drowsy demeanor had all but vanished in a matter of seconds. It was almost scary how quickly she shedded that front of hers for a gentle, yet firm line of questioning, and You’s heart panged. She still wasn’t used to being doted on like this.

“Don’t worry about me,” she deflected. It was pointless and she knew it. Eli’s hands were warm, still loosely hanging around her waist, and she couldn’t resist any longer. She leaned back into it.

“Now, now,” Eli clicked her tongue, removing her hands from You. “That’s not what we agreed on.” She took a few steps back.

You turned around, and nearly leapt five feet back when she saw how underdressed Eli was. Clad in only a t-shirt that dipped past her waist, her soft, caring countenance turned sheepish as You looked her over.

“I’m wearing underwear too, you know.” Eli quipped. “Besides, you’ve seen me naked -”

“That’s not the problem and you know it!” You protested. Eli stuck out her tongue, and despite herself, You had to laugh. “Are you going to put something else on?”

Eli shook her head, all resolute. “You insisted on coming out here, so I’m insisting on staying out here until you tell me what’s wrong.”

You knew it was pointless to put up a fight. To her credit, Eli wasn’t so much as shivering - if she didn’t know any better, You might have thought that Eli was a particularly lucid specter, coming to her in a lucid dream - one that was actually founded in reality.

“I didn’t have a nightmare.” You leaned back against the wall again, splaying her hands out on it. She looked up at the starless night sky. From here, she could peek out past the rest of the high-rise apartment that stretched above them. She wondered for a moment how many other people were awake - or how many people could hear the young couple talking in the freezing cold.

“You ever feel like you’ve screwed everything up?”

“All the time.”

Eli’s frankness took You by surprise, but it only encouraged You to keep going.

“It comes back to me. In waves, you could say. Sort of like tonight.” You peeled her eyes away from the pitch-black sky above, going right to staring at her feet. Her next words were leaden on her tongue - her body itself was trying to tell her to stop. But her anxieties and fears clawed at her heart, forcing her confession out into the open.

“So I feel like I’m screwing this up too. Us.”

Something flashed across Eli’s face. What it was - fear, regret, anger - You couldn’t tell, and it only made her anxiety flare up that much stronger. Still, she pressed on, her voice thick.

“I thought that telling you I believed in you, that you owed it to yourself and Nozomi-chan to at least  _ try _ and be happy, was, like...” You fumbled with her hands again. “I was starting to get better myself, you know? It feels nice to focus on you. To really believe something  _ else _ could work.

“But I’m still having those thoughts. About Chika-chan. And Riko-chan, and how she was wrong in making me handle it like that, and -” 

She stopped herself, sucking in a series of shaky breaths. Her hands were trembling again, sending miniature shockwaves through her arms and right to her core.

“I’m happy with you, right now, Eli-chan. I really am,” she managed “But there’s still all -” she motioned vaguely with her hands - “ _ that _ .”

Eli rocked back on her heels. Finally, as You watched her intently for some semblance of a reaction, she shivered. It really was freezing out here, You thought.

“It’s about time you brought this up,” Eli said after several moments. 

“I’d rather I didn’t,” You muttered.

“You’re not free from your old feelings. Clearly,” Eli deadpanned, which earned a wry grin from You. “You’re free to do whatever you want with them. Cry over them. Throw them out the window. Is that not better than holding them in?”

“...Yeah.” You exhaled.

“You don’t sound so sure,” Eli pointed out.

“I forgot what that feels like. Being free. I still don’t know what to do with it.”

“Me too.”

Another round of silence. Eli joined her at the railing. Though they were side-by-side, staring into the darkness of Eli’s apartment, the physical contact between them felt centuries away.

“What really hurts is that you’re not giving me enough credit,” Eli said after some time.

“What do you mean?”

“I expected this, you know. I’m optimistic too, but I’m not stupid. We’re just starting to learn how to bounce back. And that includes you, just to be clear. Just by telling me this, that you’re still struggling - that’s a good thing.”

“You think?”

In response, Eli reached out and cupped the back of You’s head. You turned to see Eli’s sapphire eyes shining. “I do. You’re not keeping this all to yourself, and I’m sure that’s hard for someone who’s learned to swallow their feelings time and time again.” Eli threaded her fingers through You’s hair, and You loosed the tension in her shoulders she didn’t know she was holding.

“...Yeah.”

“See, and you’re not pushing me away.” Eli murmured. She leaned in and planted a quick peck on You’s forehead. “I’m here for all the ugly stuff too, you know? Trust me, I can handle it.” She winked.

You had to smile. Eli’s hands had long since gotten cold, but she enjoyed their touch all the same. “Thanks, Eli-chan.”

“Let’s go back to bed? It’s not getting any warmer out here.”

You took Eli’s hand and let her lead the way back in. Just as they were getting settled in, though, Eli dropped the inevitable:

“By the way, we’re getting up early tomorrow.”

You puffed out her cheeks and sighed. “I thought as much.”

* * *

“I feel silly,” You complained. She carried a neon blue balloon in her hands, while Eli hummed tunelessly to herself a couple steps ahead. The early morning was dull and overcast, but snowless - a bit serendipitous considering the usual weather this time of year.

“That’s the point.” Eli turned and winked at her, revealing her own balloon - an equally loud fluorescent green. “You still agreed to it, though. That’s a start.”

You shrugged. She tossed her balloon lightly in the air, but even that was too much. As she stopped and waited for it to float back down to her, Eli’s smile only grew.

“If you feel like you’re stuck, or even going backwards, then it’s up to me to get you back on track. Right?”

You said nothing. She exhaled, letting her breath cloud in front of her.

“You’re right, you know. We can’t just  _ say  _ we’re going to give things a shot and just pretend it’ll be smooth sailing,” Eli went on. “So now we’re going to  _ do  _ something about those nasty thoughts running around in that sweet little head of yours.”

Despite her uncertainty, and Eli’s tight-lipped attitude about her methods and supplies they were carrying, You found herself flushing.

“This is a good spot.” They stopped well into the clearing. The few other park-goers stuck to the paths, leaving Eli and You plenty of space to operate. You leaned back on her heels, watching the morning dew kiss the tips of her sneakers.

Eli produced a small selection of markers from her coat pocket. “Here, pick one.”

You obliged, plucking a black marker from Eli’s hand.

“All you have to do is write down something that’s on your mind. Like, for example...” she tapped her marker against her chin. “We talked about a good deal of things last night.”

“On…” You motioned to the balloon in her hands.

“That’s right.”

You pressed her marker down, but that was as far as she got. While she mulled it over, her attention was drawn to Eli, whose marker was squeaking as she jotted something down.

“No looking.” Eli didn’t even need to look up to shoot You down. 

“Aw.” Still, You reluctantly scrawled out her message. The imprecise tip of the marker didn’t make it easy, but she had it down soon enough.

_ I still think the world hates me, because I’m still pining over a love I’ll never have. _

She swiveled the balloon where Eli could see her print. Eli’s expression was entirely neutral as she looked it over, but she gave an approving nod after a few moments. “Unfiltered and with a dramatic flourish. That’s perfect.”

Before You could ask whether that was  _ really  _ a good thing, Eli raised her own balloon skyward. “And now…” A slight nudge was all she needed, and it was on its way up. “That’s all there is to it. Just let it go.”

You hesitated for a long moment. What  _ was _ she holding onto this resentment for? If anything, Eli should have been upset at her for expressing doubt about their relationship out of the blue the night before. Instead, here she was, patient as ever. Sure, the whole balloon ritual was a bit ham-fisted, but maybe that was the point.

You mirrored Eli from just moments before, and she set her balloon off on its brief journey.

As they watched their balloons drift into the sky, the sun flashed through a gap in the clouds. In unison, You and Eli both shielded their eyes, but the gasp of light was gone as soon as it appeared. Its halo remained imprinted on their eyes, making it difficult to follow the meandering paths of the balloons.

“You see, it’s symbolic -”

“I know, Eli-chan.” When their eyes met, You caught the twinkle in Eli’s eyes, and they shared a giggle. 

This morning was unusually quiet for a weekend. This pocket of the city seemed a bit isolated, where sparse passerby were blown about by the early winter wind. Standing here with Eli, You felt like this residential park was at the center of it all.

“How do you feel?” Eli asked. It had been a few moments - or maybe a few minutes. You wasn’t sure.

“...Like I just sent some poor balloons to their deaths.”

“I think they’ll forgive you,” Eli laughed. “I already do.”

You tilted her head. Her curiosity got the better of her, despite Eli’s earlier brushing-off. “What did you write on yours?”

Eli clasped her hands behind her back, still staring up at the sky. Several more seconds passed before she recited, all earnest and bright: “ _ I hope Nozomi can forgive me for looking for happiness elsewhere _ .”

You was taken aback. “That doesn’t sound like ‘letting go.’” It came out a bit harsher than You intended. She almost corrected herself, but stopped herself when she took in Eli’s expression - distant and just a bit wistful.

“It’s not. But Nozomi might be able to see it a bit better when it’s up there.”

The plain-faced hope in Eli’s voice, combined with the usual gentle grace with which she carried herself, stripped You of an immediate response. That sort of unapologetic vulnerability was infectious, in a way. 

“I think so too.” 

As You watched, she lifted a stiff hand to her forehead - not to shield her eyes from the sun, but to salute Eli’s still-strong feelings as much as her own. She glanced to the side and saw Eli do the same. Before she could process or even note what she’d just witnessed, however, the gesture was done. It felt wrong, somehow, to mention it.

“I’m going to have some bad days, too,” Eli said.

“I know. We’ll try not to overlap.” You offered her hand. Eli took it with a laugh, and their linked arms swung back and forth. Just like that, the moment passed.

“Want to get some coffee?”

“I was thinking we could go back to sleep,” You countered.

“Maybe some donuts, then.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You risked one more glance back. Their offerings to the sky were mere specks now. She wasn’t feeling any lighter, but maybe she was reeling a bit less from last night’s episode. With Eli’s hand in hers, she wanted nothing more than to go back to the apartment and fall into a comfortable sleep.


End file.
